Life (and Death)

I was just in the middle of taking a bite of my bagel when Mom called yesterday afternoon.

"Hi?" she spoke tenuously.
"Yeah mom?"
"Have you heard?"
"What?" I was impatient. Tired. Ready to leave work.
"... I have bad news."

I knew where this was going. Unable to finish chewing, the tears started welling up and that was that. Through fitful sobs, I spat half eaten chunks of bagel into a napkin and nearly choked myself.

I was going to see her tonight. My flight leaves soon, and I should've been there. I was supposed to see her at least one more time and spend this holiday with her which is the most frustrating part of it all--the lack of a proper goodbye, you know? It was so close! It pains me to think about it. The last goodbye was hurried over the phone because I couldn't stand to hear the sound of her fragile voice and that calm, morphine-induced state of unaware bliss.

While I was looking forward to returning yesterday before hearing the news, today I am fearful. I have never felt so anxious about doing anything in my life. As I picked at my lunch earlier today with friends nearby, laughing at the appropriate times, smiling at the appropriate times, and just trying to hold myself together and maintain a semblance of normalcy (a table of stressed out guys probably isn't the best place in which to be a crier), all I could think about was the impending goodbye I'd have with them, and how I'd be thrown back into the wild to face this on my own. We can only escape the feeling of loss and sadness in the company of others for so long. Eventually, we have to retreat into ourselves and process--alone.

So, I prepare myself now for the solitary one hour trip to the airport, the solitary one hour wait at the airport, and the solitary two-hour flight home, and whatever other solitary moments I have between now and when I run into Mom's arms. Nervous, anxious, and.. well, sad above everything else.



My grandmother passed away yesterday morning. We were emotionally prepared. It had been a two year battle with cancer that has been painful to watch. What more is there to say? We all experience loss, and there isn't anything to say really. Just give me a hug. It will just take time.

Eat: in Berlin!

No, I'm not in Berlin. However, the visit of my dear friend the other night brought back memories of when I was last summer, and oh the cheap eats I did enjoy there! Plus, my friend had his computer with and gave me some photos he had taken (long overdue!). Voila, a couple of Berliner eating hotspots and dorky photos of me with ratty, long hair:

This huge plate of shawarma and veggies at Rizani in Kreuzberg was only like 3 or 4 euros and absolutely fantastic. And of course you gotta drink delicious Bionade soda (I hear CocaCola bought this and are planning to bring it to the US?). The large Turkish population in this neighbourhood know how to work it; the döner kebabs were better than I had in Istanbul!

Another Berliner staple: currywurst. According to the flattie, currywurst is totally like a trashy food enjoyed by the underclass whereas equally cheap döners are enjoyed by all, but whatevs! It's totally delicious. Curry-infused bratwurst. And of course Curry 36 is a classic for locals and tourists alike.

Drink: Glühwein

Haha, these are the remnants of the mulled wine; it looks rather gross, but I assure you it was delicious and quite a hit! My roomie and I threw a party last night, and in celebration of the cooling weather, we boiled a huge pot (well, multiple pots, actually) of this stuff for the guests: Glühwein!

Immediately upon entry, guests were greeted by the sweet scent of cinnamon and cloves and were sure to comment on how appealing it was especially in last night's chilly weather :D

Here are the rough proportions if you want to give it a try.

RECIPE: A&J's Party Glühwein

• 750mL of red wine (no need to use expensive stuff)
• 6 cloves
• 1/2 - 1 orange (stick the cloves into the orange peel to avoid ladling them out to guests)
  
• 1 stick of cinnamon
• As much sugar as you want; more sugar needed the crappier the wine
  
• Lemon zest and some slices of lemon, if you desire

Multiply recipe for however many bottles of wine you are making.

Heat over low heat for at least 1/2hr before serving. The longer you warm it, the more spicy it will become! We kept the stove on all night and added more wine as we ran out. All together, we went through 12+ bottles of wine! The exact count is a little hazy as, after we ran out of our own, we began using the bottles our guests were bringing. Point is, there is a lot of glass in the recycling bin next to our building today. 

Don't forget to spike the stuff with a shot of rum/schnapps/whatever before serving!

WIWT: Like, Everyday.

The "Urban Poncho". Seriously wear this practically everyday. Such a versatile fall piece. It is essentially just a large U-shaped piece of fabric. 100% baby alpaca... best 300 peruvian soles I ever spent. hehe

Boo!

Hope you all had a fun Halloween!